Tuesday, 18 June 2013

When a bad mood becomes something more

A year ago I was very organised with this blog, I would write in advance and schedule the posts to be released on certain days. It is funny that by the time my blog post suggesting 10 ways to alleviate a bad mood was published, I had been diagnosed with depression. 

Within weeks I became the polar opposite to the person I had been in preceeding months. My daily routine went out of the window, replaced by procrastination stemming from an overwhelming feeling of dread by the thought of simply getting dressed in the morning. The pregnancy made me feel fat & ugly, and my clothes didn't fit. There were various other triggers which lead to this, but I will spare the details.

As a result I seldom left the house and my daughter was the only thing that kept me going. She was my only motivation, and days were filled with indoor children's activities and somehow these disorganised days passed really quickly. Days quickly became weeks and months and nothing really seemed to get done, including this blog. My husband and I have been at loggerheads as a result of my inability to prioritise in accordance with his goals for the business and the family and I felt torn between meeting his needs and those of my own. We have differing views as to what is best for our children.

Daughter number 2 arrived safely 2 weeks and 5 days early, my mood took a dramatic swing and I felt elated. She is now 11 weeks old and we have settled into a relaxed rhythm based on the work of Tracy Hogg aka "The Baby Whisperer". I don't like to call it a routine, the times vary each day, in fact they vary with each 3-4 hour E.A.S.Y. phase and we wake at a different time each morning. As we follow a general pattern I prefer to refer to them as phases.

I recently found the strength to return to the office. It was as if I'd emerged from a deep, thick fog and that the last 6-9 months hadn't existed. None of my filing made sense, nothing at all made sense and it was a stark realisation of how bad things had been. I hope I am on the road to recovery and can begin blogging again. I'm not going to blog as regularly as I had been as I don't want to put myself under any pressure. Hopefully this space will be worth watching...

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